...I don't really know what to call this one....

It has come to my attention that my posts lately have been too serious, and have given some a false impression of what I'm really like in reality. I do not want my readers(however few, if any, you may be) to have a false idea about me, so I'm going to give you all a brief story to give you an idea of how my mind works.

Last night, I was tired, and ready to get to bed at 7:00. However, I knew that if I were to do that, I would be awake at 2:00 in the morning, crying over the fact that I was so stupid 7 hours earlier to go to bed so early. So, reluctantly, I got back out of bed, and flitted around online doing pointless, stupid things for a few hours. Around 10:00, I started to get that feeling where it feels as though there's a little garden gnome in your head, gouging out your eyes from the inside out. Ever get that feeling? I decided that I should probable get to bed, before I look like this:

But, before I walked up our mountain of stairs, I realized I was kinda hungry, so I went to the kitchen and, naturally, opened the fridge. After standing there with the fridge door open for a few minutes, I reached the point where I became conscious of the fact that I was standing there with the fridge door open. Isn't it weird, how your mind totally zones out for a few minutes, and then when it comes back, you always find yourself in front of the fridge? I think it must have something to do with how our bodies are programmed, because it always happens, without fail. Our bodies must be thinking this:

Anywho, so when my brain finally came back from La La land, and I found myself in front of the fridge, I grabbed the first thing I saw. Which happened to be some left over pizza from the night before. Two days ago, my parents had gone shopping, and picked up some weird Greek Pizza. It was supposed to be really fancy, high-end pizza. And I guess to some, it was. But for me, all I want on my pizza is tomato sauce, lots of cheese, and various types of meat. Forget all the nasty veggies(Oops, uh, kids, veggies may be yucky, but you should still eat them. It gives you an idea of how you can torture your own kids when you're older). It's the good stuff I want. I popped a slice in the microwave, and a minute later, pulled it out. It wasn't until now I that I comprehended what it was I was actually going to be eating. I looked at it. Here's what it looked like:

I thought that maybe I could just pull all the nasties off, and just eat what's left. I did so, and what was left was some weird cheese, and a piece or two of chicken. But I ate it anyways. And, besides finding a mushroom or two(those things are SO darn hard to pick off!!), it was pretty good. I then climbed our Mount Everest of a staircase, and climbed into my oh, so, soft bed and feel asleep, letting my mind to wander and dream magical things.
The End
of a pointless story with no real ending or meaning. Besides, maybe campaigning veggies to kids so they know which ones will torture their kids the most. To be honest, that's the only reason I'M eating 'em...so eat up, kids!!

It had been a long, cold day....

It had been a long, cold day. Tired, cold, and shivering I desperately wanted - no, needed- warmth. Wildly I looked around, storming my brain for how I could find It, losing my sanity over It. And then it hit me. There was a place where warmth was given. A place where you could receive a short, blissful time, before leaving again, out into the harsh, cold world. Hastily, I ran. Ran as if there were a billion spiders chasing me. Ran for all it was worth. And...yes! Yes! I snatched It, before anybody else could claim It as theirs. Before It would turn me away, claiming to be taken.

I entered that place, expecting warmth and a short time where I could be at peace. And I found it. I stood there, as close as I possibly could, absorbing that warmth. That heat. I started to regain my sanity, and I could feel that wonderful, blissful feeling of peacefulness and reassurance creeping back. But as quickly as I had found It, It vanished. Coldness, bitter coldness replaced It. In dismay, I cried out. I started to run away, to try and seek warmth else where, but then I was reminded. This warmth had been given to me for a price. I had made a deal. I had agreed that for that happy, happy time of warmth, no matter how brief, I would complete a task. I had no choice. Hesitantly, I went back, and reluctantly entered that cold, miserable world. Teeth chattering, I went to work, trying to finish it as quickly as I could. But, alas, time was distorted. For every second in the outside world I was there, as I stood there, it felt like a year. I gritted my teeth, and continued.

Twice, I thought of leaving the job unfinished. It hadn't been a fair deal. It hadn't kept up Its side of the deal, why should I keep up mine? But no. I had to be honest, even if It wouldn't. I kept at it. What felt like a century later, I finished. I darted out of there as fast as I could, so fast, even a lioness lunging at its prey would be impressed. I went away disappointed and miserable, continuing in my search for comfort. Maybe next time, I told myself. Next time I wouldn't be cheated out of It. Next time I would be given what I rightfully deserved. Next time.



......I hate cold showers.

Monsters are real

Fear. We all have it. Some more than others. Even the bravest, most daring people still have that one fear that they'd rather die than have to face. But I've been thinking of a more specific fear, instead of that giant list of little things you feel uncomfortable around, or your inability to explore dark rooms alone. I'm talking of a fear that makes you stop and want to hide, that makes you want dive into your safe spot, and never come out again. That fear that we all know we'll have to face sooner or later. I'm not talking about death, but a fear unique to everyone.

For instance, I know guys who are deathly afraid to have kids when they're older, in case they lose their wife in childbirth. But, chances are, that's a fear they're going to have to face. I know girls who are scared stiff to get into a relationship, or even get close to a guy, in case he turns around and beats her, or even rapes her. But chances are, she's going to have to overcome it. I personally am currently scared of growing up. Not the mature aspect, but the real aspect. Like, what am I going to do with my life? I have only one shot, I can't blow it. And I'm reaching that part now when I have to decide. And I'm scared! The ironic part is, I also feel a yearning to grow up and move on with life. Obviously, this is one I'm going to have to work out.

But why is fear so prevalent in life? Why does everybody have at least one thing that makes them want to dive back under their covers, and hide from the "scary monster" like a child at night? Why can't we all just grow up, and stop imagining monsters in our closets?

I think the reason is because there ARE monsters in our closets. Many of these fears are very, very real. Even though we tend to blow them up to be more than they really are, they're still there. Even today, 1 out of every 1,000 women in the U.S. dies during childbirth. Even though that's a LOT better than it was years ago, it's still a very daunting figure for husbands and expecting mothers. On average, 1 out of 5 women will be sexually assaulted by the time she turns 25(I can't remember the exact statistic, but it's something like that....). And as for my current fear today, I've seen so many people die-on TV, in the newspaper, online, even close relatives and friends-and all that their friends and relatives could look at when they were gone was their sad, pathetic, wasted life. I don't want that to happen. I don't want my life to be wasted. I don't want to wake up one day when I'm 80, and feel as though I've wasted it all. Feel as though I should have just ended it when I was 20, and spare the life-long misery and pointlessness.

The fact is, Monsters are real. That scary, tentacled-monster, that you imagined lying under your bed with fangs two feet long, dripping with blood, glowing red, never-blinking eyes, and sharp claws, just sitting there, waiting to snatch you and gobble you up the second you try and poke your foot out of your bed to go to the bathroom was real. And it's gotten even scarier and bigger over the years.

So the question isn't about whether or not there are monsters under your bed. It's about who you're going to run to. Remember how you used to bolt down the hall as fast as you could, and dive into your parents' bed, where you imagined there to be some sort of safety force-field against that monster? Now that that's no longer an option, where are you going to run? Who are you going to seek safety from? I know where I'm hiding. But what about you? That monster is too big to face on your own. Who are you going to hide behind, now that you're too tall to hide behind your mother's skirt? This is a question we all need to ask ourselves. I know where I'm going to hide and be safe. Do you?

Rejoice in the Lord always

The past couple days I've been feeling a little...uh, I'm not quite sure, actually. But the main thing is that I feel almost as though Satan is picking at my weaknesses and throwing them in my face. Like, little things that wouldn't normally bug me make me want to punch people in the face. Teasing jokes people say that I would normally laugh over as well, now makes this little voice in the back of my head go, "Sure, they're joking now, but is that what they really think about you when you're not around?"Also, I feel like an utter dork sometimes. Like, really?? What were you trying to accomplish by that??

Alright, getting past the little mini-rant there....

At youth group last night, we were dealing with the first few verses of Philippians. The first few just talked about keeping unity in the church, but the next really spoke to me:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!...Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 4:4-7

 No matter what's going on in life, no matter how much crap life may throw at you, you can always "fall back" on Jesus. He's always there. You can rejoice in Him, letting Him be your hope and light.

Lollipop Tree Weirdness!

Yesterday was a weird day. I honestly couldn't tell you how I felt, even if I wanted to. I felt angry, happy, sad, frustrated, confused, smart, overwhelmed, lazy, hyper, tired, and glad, all at the same time. Maybe it's just my teenager hormones going crazy, but I don't know...yesterday was weird. I went for a long bike ride, and came back with a some-what clearer head. But I must have still been pretty out of it, because I had a sudden urge to paint something. So, I ran upstairs to my room, ran back downstairs, and back up a couple times just to find all the paints, paper, brushes, and LOADS of paper towels. Then I sat down cross-legged on my bedroom floor(With Paramore blasting through my earbuds) and painted my heart out. What resulted certainly won't end up in a museum, but i am a little proud of it. It was a tree. Forget the fact it looks like a lollipop, it's the colors I liked. All the reds, greens, yellows, browns, and oranges, all jumbled together in one picture. Exactly how I felt. So, here it is, folks: My Lollipop tree:

Yep, this is what happens when I try and paint. I'm not very gifted artistically(Although, I CAN draw a very impressive Mr. Mustache Man, mind you...), but I'm proud of my drawing. Lollipop tree, you have made me happy. Thank you.

Heavenly Butterscotch Pudding

Alrighty,
So I made butterscotch pudding for my Dad's birthday, and brought what was left after he was done devouring it to youth group with a TON of sliced apples. This resulted in all the girls there asking for the recipe, so here it is:

~Butterscotch pudding~

1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 Tablespoons white flour
2 Tablespoons cornstarch
3 egg yolks
1 1/2 Cups milk
3 Tablespoons butter
1 Teaspoon vanilla

In a medium sized saucepan, stir together flour, brown sugar, and cornstarch with a fork. Add egg yolks, milk, butter, and vanilla. Stir the ingredients together with a whisk, then place over medium heat and stir. Stir constantly until the mixture turns into a very thick pudding. You want it to be really, really thick. Slice an Apple or two, dip, and enjoy!

Call me a heretic, but I sincerely believe this stuff will be in Heaven.

Proverbs 31 Challenge, Day 13

(30) Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

(31) Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

Welp, this is the last post in this challenge. I don't know how many of you are actually still reading these, and haven't gotten tired of them always popping up in your feed, but for me, it's been a great challenge.

These last verses, for me, are the most important: In an earlier post, I started to scratch on the idea of focusing on you inner beauty rather than your outer beauty, and now I'm going to delve into it with greater detail.

I don't think I'm the only girl who would say that I can literally feel the pressure of the culture to be the "perfect, super star model of a body". It's a daily struggle to not look in the mirror and think "Why can't my nose be less pointy? Why can't that freckle go away? Why do I have to be so darn pasty white? Why can't my hair be perfect, like all the girls' hair on TV? Why can't my waist be just a little slimmer, and my chest a little larger? Why can't I just have the 'perfect body'?!?"
 

Every time practically any woman looks into the mirror, she immediately seizes out things to pick on. She compares herself to those who have spent millions of dollars on cosmetics, plastic surgery, and even computer graphics. The images we see on TV and the internet cheat us. You've probably already seen this already, but this helps prove my point so I'll post it anway: Dove Evolution-Not what you think you're seeing

That video pretty much takes the words out of my mouth. It proves that yes, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain". It's all a scam. The culture holds us women up and tells us we must be literally, impossibly beautiful. We must be perfect. If you're not, then sorry, but out of the "social circle" you go.

But the fact is, we can't have the "perfect body". Not just because we don't have billions of dollars to spend on plastic surgery, cosmetics, and whatever else, but because the "perfect body" just doesn't exist.

(23)For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
 ~Romans 3:23

 We can't be perfect, because God alone is perfect. Striving after the "perfect body" is waste of time. Don't get sucked into that black hole. It's sad watching all the celebrities waste their lives over it. No. "But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

We shouldn't be spending all our time in front of the mirror, wishing for what we obviously can't have. Instead we should be focusing more on our inner beauty. Our outer appearance will, in time, fade away. And we shall all only see what's on the inside. Make what people will see then just as beautiful as you were when you were  young, if not more so. Don't waste your life being sucked into a pointless lie. Devote your life to Christ, and let His beauty be yours.

Proverbs 31 Challenge, Day 12

(27) She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

(28) Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

(29) “Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

 Once again, we find this proverb emphasizing the lack of idleness in a virtuous woman.

But here, we also see how her family views her.

I'm going to tackle these verses from two different view points: From that of the family, and that of the wife.

Nowadays, it seems the norm to diss your mom. You're even considered as "weird", "mother's pet", or even "unable to socialize" if you don't.

"My Mom is SO lame, she won't let me stay up all night!" "Mmmoooommmm......Why won't you stop being so paranoid, and just let me go to the freaking party??" "Geez, stop fussing, mom! I'm not a baby anymore!"

You see it everywhere. In comics. On TV. In books. At the mall. Even when I go for walks around our neighborhood. Most kids don't view their mothers as blessings any more. Instead, they're merely this obstacle they can't wait to get around the minute they turn 18.

This verse calls  us to respect our mothers. To encourage her. To thank her. You don't realize how much she does for you, until she's suddenly not there. Think: The laundry doesn't do itself. Your dinner didn't magically pop out of the air and onto your plate. That car didn't drive itself by remote control to your friend's house. Your dishes you had leave in the sink from breakfast as you rushed out the door didn't wash themselves. The kitchen doesn't get cleaned every day by little forest animals. Somehow, all this is happening-beneath our very noses!

As for the second viewpoint, that of the wife, it calls us to be mothers our kids can call "blessed".

In other words, be there for them, and take joy in, well, being their mom. Take part in their lives, and not just throw them a soggy PB&J sandwich every day. Raise them from childhood with diligence and care, and bring them up to be Godly young Christians, ready to enter the world and face its many challenges and snares.

Proverbs 31 Challenge, Day 11

(26) She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

 

 

I'm a Jane Austen fanatic. I'm reading all her books, and as I read them, I'm finding out a couple things. One of which is this: The most amusing characters(usually the annoying ones), are the jabbery and stupid (forgive me for being so frank) ones. Mrs Bennet, Lydia Bennet, and Kitty Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, Mrs. Jennings and Mrs Palmer from Sense and Sensibility, Fanny Thornton from North and South (By Elizabeth Gaskell) (And, might I add, she has got to be the most amusing character ever). They all love to talk, talk, talk. But if you were asked what they talk about, you wouldn't be able to answer.

Another thing that I'm noticing is that usually the heroine of each book, generally viewed as virtuous, wise, and a woman to want as a wife, doesn't jabber about pointless things. She puts up with the "jabberers", but we all know that she is tired of them and their pointless talking. She doesn't talk about nothing. Rather, when she opens her mouth, wise words come out. That's what distinguishes her from the other characters. And that's what this verse calls us to do.

The virtuous woman doesn't waste her time gossiping and talking of nothing. When she does speak, it's about things that have meaning and importance. And she never wastes her breath pointlessly dissing others. Rather, she only allows that which will be constructive, useful, and kind leave her mouth.

This particularly challenges me. As any of my family will tell you, I like to state the obvious. "that shirt has a hole in it." "Wow, those lines on the road are bright yellow!". Also, when I don't like somebody, boy, do I let it show. Speaking my mind has run me into trouble a couple times...We all need to learn to guard what comes out of our mouths. Words can be a lot more hurtful than you may think.

Proverbs 31 Challenge, Day 10

(25) Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

Have you ever seen or known somebody who just LOVES to deck out, everyday, just to show off how well off they are, or to get attention? They are so vain, that they care only about how they look, and they spend more time each day getting themselves ready, adorning themselves with jewelry, then they do focusing on their inner health.

When it says that Strength and Dignity are her clothing, it means that she puts her spiritual clothing first. In other words, she cares more about her walk with the Lord than she does about her external appearance. 

Now don't think that I mean that she doesn't care at all about how she dresses/looks on the outside. Rather, she focuses on her inner beauty, and dresses herself to reflect it. I think that this is a core issue, especially with us teens, and one that I'll get into better detail with in later verses.

But for now, just understand that you should be more worried about your inner health. Namely, that you should dress yourself with dignity and honor.

As for the second part, when it says she laughs at the time to come, I think that it has to do with the fact that she isn't afraid of the future, because she knows that it's in God's hands. She trusts God to provide for her, and to be with her, no matter what happens.

Matthew 6:25:
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?... (33) But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
  
These verses say it clearly. To put it frankly: Stop. Freaking. Out. Over. Silly. Things! We get so caught up with tiny little things "What will I do tomorrow? What color should we paint the bathroom? What time will I be home? What should I wear? Does my hair look alright? What if the kids get cranky? Should I go out for lunch and ruin my diet, or stick to it? What, Should I, who, when, how, blah!" We forget about what's really important. We start putting our tiny little needs first, and don't realize that we're missing the big picture: God.


To sum it all up, stop putting your external appearance before your inner beauty. Rather, make your inner beauty your main goal, and make the way you dress and look reflect that. Also, don't get caught up so much in the little details, that you completely miss the whole point. Namely, that God is with us and nothing is too big for him to deal with.